Things are right.

Today is a good day. It's the start of the world straightening itself back out.

I've had a really rough couple of months at my job- constantly being degraded and condescended. When the behavior first started in the middle of last year, I thought it was because I was young- almost 12 full years younger than the next employee closest in age to me!

Then I thought the problem was me. Am I not smart enough? Fast enough? Detail-oriented enough? Do I not work hard enough, and am I not learning the material thoroughly enough?

Then I thought it may have something to do with how I dressed. I work in a very casual environment- it's not unusual to see some men wearing shorts! That's really casual. But wearing a t-shirt and jeans everyday isn't too casual, as most people wear the same thing.

I thought, maybe I'm giving off a very young and immature vibe. So I made my office more "adult" by taking down pretty much anything fun, or anything that really defined me.

Then at the beginning of 2013, when we were swamped with problems and working until 6 or 7 at night, even after arriving at 6:45-7 in the morning, that I realized the problem wasn't me. It's them.

What I am and what they want are different. They want a person who will ignore their life, their family, their friends, their church, for this job. They want a person who has as many years of experience as I've been alive (all three of the people I work most closely with on a daily basis have been in this line of work for an average of 25 years. I'm 24.). They want a person who can look at a problem and immediately know the answer.

I'm not that person. I need time to investigate the problem. I need time to learn the program and to scour documentation. Which is what I spend a fair amount of time doing.

I am not willing to work 12-13 hours a day regularly. I am not willing to ignore Husband and my family and friends to fix our customers' problems. Of course, there are cases where this needs to be done- and I've done it. I've worked the weekend. I've worked from 6:30am- 8:30pm. I've done it. Those times were enough for me.

Enough for me to realize that this job is not worth ignoring my family. It's not worth missing out on what's happening with Husband and Puppy. It's not worth feeling like I'm worthless, and being so afraid to come to work that it makes me physically sick. It's not worth the fear I've developed of the sound of footsteps outside my office- in case that person is coming to belittle me.

Today I accepted a new job, working on experiments on the International Space Station. Sure, there are funny hours, including shift work, but there are many positives:

1. I'll finally be living the real reason I moved to this state: The Space Program
2. I can rebuild my self-esteem and self-worth.
3. I still get to be science-y and social: I'll be working with ESA (European Space Agency) and JAXA (Japanese Space Agency), as well as the astronauts physically onboard the ISS.
4. After 4 days working, I get 4 days off.
5. I'll have time during the weekdays to actually get out and run errands, instead of trying to cram everything into a 1-hour lunch break.
6. I'll have access to the Arsenal (which means cheap bowling for Husband and I!).

As much as I like the work I do now, it's not the right fit for where I am in my life. I enjoy the work, I enjoy the customers (for the most part), and I enjoy the people I work with (for the most part). But it's time for some positive changes.

It's time for me to be back.