Brown's Paper Bag: April 2016

I need some prayers, you guys. I need to change my point of view.

This weekend, Hubs and I had two friends over with the plan to watch a movie. Of course, this would be the one night out of probably 20 where Small Fry did not want to go to sleep at his regular time.

I spent too much time apologizing to our friends! I complained, outwardly and inwardly, about my son's refusal to sleep. Instead of being mindful and tending to my son's cries and needs, I sent Hubs up to "deal with him." I was frustrated.

I know that being frustrated is normal and common, and in itself, is not a huge problem. But when you compound that frustration with my feelings of being inconvenienced and angry at my child, there is a problem.

Considering almost every other night my son willingly goes to bed at his assigned "bed time," and sleeps through the night, I should have known that my sweet son needed something. He wasn't experiencing a fear a missing out. He wasn't trying to just get on my nerves and wreck my movie plans. No, my son needed me, and how did I help him?

By complaining about him to my friends, and complaining about him in my heart.

After a while, it became clear to our friends that Tiny Human was not going to sleep any time soon, so they left, and Hubs and I - still begrudgingly - tended to TH.

I took him on a nice long walk at 9:30 pm (more than 2 hours after his usual bed time), which did nothing but anger him. I brought him back inside, upstairs, gave him some milk and Mommie snuggles, and while he pushed away from me and cried, I felt angry at him. Why were my attempts to soothe him not good enough?

Finally, I'd hit my wits end, and Hubs decided to take TH out for a short drive in the car. Thankfully this worked to get him down for the night- at 10:30 pm. More than 3 hours after his usual bed time, and after we'd originally started the bed time process.

Once he was down, a felt an immediate rush of relief and guilt. Why was I so frustrated with my son? Why, after a nice day spent together playing and laughing, was I so quick to become angry and selfish when he still needed me a little later than I'd planned?

Pray that I can change my point of view. I need to remember and realize - in times of difficulty and frustration - that my son is not an inconvenience to my plans. My son is the priority over movie night. The priority over my night of sleep. Over my dinner. Over my shower. Over the dishes, and the laundry and the other chores that are so meaningless, and the small tasks of the day. My son is the priority over these things. He's not throwing a wrench into my plans - rather, my plans need to remain flexible at all times to cater to him (within reason). Plus, I need to remember that if he's up and is crying and is sad and is clingy, he needs something. He has a need that hasn't been met yet, and it needs to be met in order for him to calm down.

Prayers needed.

Over a month later, and I realized that 8 months out of 12 does NOT equal three-quarters of a year. Unfortunately I can't even blame being on a midnight shift for my delusion (because I posted it around 8:30 AM). I can and will, however, blame the baby. I used to be bad at knowing what day it was, and that has only been compounded by mostly midnight shifts and a Tiny Human. Thankfully, Hubs keeps me relatively grounded when it comes to days of the week: "No. Today is Wednesday. Not Monday."

So, now that TN is a little over 9 months old, I will try once again.

My baby is three-quarters of a year old.

Anyways, March was a long and short month. Somehow I've noticed that days pass slowly, but weeks and months (and the last year, in fact) pass way too quickly. (When was January?! Why can't I remember my birthday?)

March started with the passing of my Great Aunt Elaine. She was 69 years old. She had spent the last few years, after her retirement from a life-long career of school bus driving in Sumter County, Florida, traveling with my grandmother- her only remaining sibling. They spent a lot of time travelling together and with family all around Florida, and to Gatlinburg, TN, where Hubs and I were able to visit with them every other year for the last 4 years. I had gone to visit them there twice before Hubs went with me.

November 2009

September 2011 - She caught my bouquet!

November 2013 - Excited that her Florida car has snow on it!

Aunt Elaine had spent the last 2 years sick. She had cataract surgery during which she had an undiagnosed stroke. After sometime dealing with side effects, she had some tests run and found out about the stroke. She soon after was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. She became depressed and refused to do the physical therapy that would allow her to live a more independent and mobile life, and had to be put into a nursing home. Her daughter, my cousin Jennifer, would often visit and bring pictures, and Aunt Elaine's favorite pictures were of TH, even though she never got to meet him. On Wednesday, February 24, she was diagnosed with pneumonia.

Aunt Elaine died that night, in her sleep, not in pain, and not afraid, and now rests with the Lord. I am thankful that her journey ended without fear and without pain, and that she knew the Lord and His promises.

My mom, TH, and I were able to drive down to Bushnell, Florida over the first weekend of March to attend her funeral. I was hesitant to bring him at first, but then I realized that this would be a great opportunity to use the Lord's perfect planning to bring a sliver of joy to my family in the time of grief.

It worked. My grandmother had asked me to read a poem during the funeral, and I was wearing TH. I was wearing him and he was asleep. Until I started reading and he woke up and started trying to steal the paper from me. We then became the comedic relief portion of the service. It was the first time most of my family had met him, and I'm so glad they did.

Back row, left to right: Cousin Debbie, Uncle Timmy, Cousin Amanda, Cousin Alicia, Cousin Courtney, Cousin Brandon, Cousin Billy, Cousin Amber, Cousin Jennifer. Front row, left to right: Me, my mom, my grandma, Small Fry, my grandma's cousin Shelly, my sister Melissa, Aunt Kim

A pretty big portion of the family was there, though not everyone.

Mine and my mom's plan originally was to drive down Friday morning and back Monday morning, but since most of my family dispersed back to their respective homes on Sunday, my mom and I decided to split the trip back over two days. Half and half. So we opted for the scenic tour and completed the first round of TH's college tour.

We visited Florida State University, The University

of Florida, and Auburn University. Remember that

we visited the University of Alabama in November, 2015.

I also started a new tradition of posing TH next to big things. It was actually an accident, but a wonderful, wonderful accident. A happy accident, if you will. On the drive to Florida, mom and I stopped to stretch our legs, change and feed TH and grab a snack for ourselves. Lo and behold, just off to the right of the car was a giant cow. I looked at my mom, and we both knew. It had to happen.

Shout out to Amanda for bringing to my attention

the fact that I cut off the tip of the cow's nose.

Then it became a thing. We went out of our way to find more large things to pose TH next to on the way back home. Our plan only included one thing- a big metal chicken just outside of Dothan, AL. BUT! We were lucky and we happened to stumble across a super random giant Peanut. So:

TH and the Giant Peanut.

And finally, TH slept through his visit to the big metal chicken.

He isn't as into it as we are.

We took TH to see the super cliche PF Changs Horse, too.

In the rest of March, we've been enjoying some much nicer weather than we'd grown accustomed to. We've been taking lots of walks and spending lots of time on the back porch of our new house (maybe one day I'll get around to posting about the new house...).

Yes, it's a Mickey Mouse outfit, and yes, it has a tail.

And no, TH doesn't like the taste of the grass.

Four-and-a-half miles walks are exhausting

for babies wanting to look at everything.

Easter rolled around the TH's GG (my grandma) came to visit! We had a great time, even though I had to work, and TH was sick with an ear infection. Pictures (of the weekend, not the infection):