I Bought My Giraffe

Today is a special day in history. And no, it's not because a year ago today we saw the movie Interstellar for free (thanks NASA). (Also, I hated that movie.)

A year ago today, I was working a Day Shift and felt funny. Went home, did some stuff, then spent three hours driving around town to find a specific toy.

I had been eyeballing this stuffed giraffe for years, but Hubs always said I could have it when we had a baby.

Well guess what? We're having a baby! I bought my giraffe.

A screen cap from the video being taken when

we told our parents on Thanksgiving last year.

I'ts been a long 12 months since November 6, 2014. A lot has changed - my body, our family, even our house (more to come on this one day)!

Don't mind the repeat dress in the middle. In my defense,

the pictures were taken 5 weeks apart. I swear I didn't just 

wear that dress allllllll the time. Just most of the time. 

Babycakes at 1 day, 1 month, 2 months,

3 months, and 4 months.

Now that he's about 4.5 months old, let's do a quick update.

Babykins has decided that he like road trips as long as the car is moving at a reasonable speed, and there are no slow spots. He hates traffic, much like the rest of the world. He's been to Atlanta twice (once for a Braves v Yankees game and once for a two-night concert he did not attend), Tuscaloosa once (nephew's birthday), and Destin (annual beach trip).

At 2 months, he started day care and thankfully, he's still loving it. His teachers, Miss Pam and Miss Tasha, love him. They still say he's so happy and never makes a peep unless he's wet or hungry. I still would like to meet the kid they're talking about, because it's not the one I take home! Though, he is better. The first few weeks of day care, when I would pick him up, he would just scream. Scream until he finally passed out. It was miserable. I was miserable. Hubs was miserable. Life was miserable. Now, when we get home, we play on the floor (tummy time and activity mats, sometimes in his bouncer singing Winnie the Pooh or our own song, "Clappy Feet."), laugh and giggle, and practice sitting up and standing. He tells me about his day in Goo's and Ga's, Doo's and Da's. I copy him. We make faces at each other. It's fun. Then we have first dinner (nursing), and then some purees. Typically after his purees, it's time for his HMT- or Hold Me Time. This occurs nightly around 630. He wants nothing but to be held. Even being played with actively on the floor is not good enough.

He likes bath time now. He's still not sure of the whole getting-out-of-the-tub thing, but he enjoys gnawing on his foam H (I've given him the U, G, and O also, but the H is his favorite). He enjoys the warm water. Soon, I think he'll enjoy splashing. I'll enjoy it too. I always loved bath time growing up- splashing and pouring water from one container to another, bubbles, soaps. So fun.

At 3.5 months old, Babycakes enjoyed his first trip to the beach! As small as he was, he was pretty cold for a large portion of this summer-turned-fall trip, so he never actually got into the salt water. He did go down to the beach and laid on a blanket in the sand. In the shade. In his non-beach clothes. Once. (Mom fail.) But he did have a fun time splashing and swimming in the pimped out private pool at the beach house.

Daddy lovin'.

"Oh my gosh these things at the end of my flappers taste so

good. Normally they taste like old slobber, but today they

taste like old slobber AND CHLORINE!"

What you see here is a baby who is about to be unhappy. So we dried

off, got cleaned up in the bath, and took a nap:

He started eating "solids" a few days after his 4 month birthday. His first food, suggested by his pediatrician, was oatmeal. He did not approve:

We cleaned him up and Daddy turned him into a little Amish girl:

Poor kid can't catch a break.

After a few days, we introduced a carrot puree, and it went over much more smoothly:

And then, green bean puree (which Daddy thinks smells like queso?):

As an aside, Tiny Human DOES like oatmeal, carrots and green beans. He likes oatmeal+carrots, and oatmeal+green beans, but if you give him green beans+carrots, you may as well be dead to him. Also, that combination is pretty unappealing to the eye. Tonight, we try sweet potato!

As for milestones, this kid is trying to sit. And stand. And crawl.

If he had his way, I'm sure he'd skip sitting altogether and go straight to standing and running. He likes heights, spinning, and "flying." I'm pretty sure he's going to be like me, in a lot of ways. (So far, he's showing signs of being left-handed despite Daddy's attempts to stop it, he like motion, as opposed to Daddy's extreme motion sickness, and he likes heights. Hopefully these qualities stay so in a few years, I'll have a new rollercoaster buddy.)

His first Halloween was kind of a bust because we moved from Chateau Perrin to the New Unnamed House. Picture anyway:

Our last official family picture at Babycakes' first home.

One year ago today we found out about our Baby Brownie, and this weekend, at 4.5 months old, he gets baptized. I'm so grateful for the lives we've built.

I Have Scars

I realized I never wrote anything about the cholestasis, and I thought I should.

I am happy to report that it went away within the time it took for my epidural to wear off. I actually hadn't noticed. I guess I was in a hormonal and exhausted state of mind and body. So much so, that I didn't notice that this thing that had afflicted me for seven weeks was gone.

It tortured me. It laughed at me when I was sobbing on the edge of my bed for hours a night for weeks on end. It heckled me when I took my medicine for it every morning, knowing nothing would help. It made me self-conscious and afraid to leave my home, for fear that it would start. And then not stop.

It took seven long weeks from me. Seven weeks of sleep. Seven weeks of enjoying my pregnancy. Seven weeks of peace of mind. It took seven weeks of safe driving and the ability to maintain focus on a conversation or TV show. It took seven weeks of enjoying movies, bubble baths, dining out. Seven weeks of enjoying my life.

I have scars- both physical and emotional.

I scratched my skin until I bled. I have scars from scratching all over my body, from my feet to my legs, to my hands, arms, and shoulders. I have a scar shaped like a long line on my stomach from where I used my engagement ring to scratch out of total desperation.

I feel no joy or relaxation from getting my back scratched. I feel afraid when I have an itch- I'm afraid that the itch will grow, that it will not stop.

I am very seriously traumatized from the cholestasis. I am so, so, so thankful it went away, but I am nowhere near past it yet.

And part of me feels like I'm being dramatic. Sure, I was itchy for a few weeks, but I got a sweet baby boy out of it, right?

But I feel like seven weeks of emotional breakdowns- sobbing in the shower, while driving, while eating, while trying to sleep- warrants a little drama. Seven weeks of literally outright begging my OB to let me just have this baby to make it stop. Actually, I only begged for four weeks. I guess I kind of gave up for the last three. I knew the OB wasn't going to help me. I knew I was stuck in this constant state of breakdowns until either 37 Weeks or Little Man showed signs of distress. And I knew there was nothing I could do or say or plead that would change it.

It's been fourteen-and-a-half weeks since Baby Boy was born; twenty-one weeks since I was diagnosed with cholestasis; twenty-two weeks since I first felt the effects.

But I'm still terrified every time I get the smallest itch.

September 6, 2012

For someone who's historically been so good with dates, I totally flubbed up on one recently.

This past Sunday, September 6, was the third anniversary of us closing on our house.

April 28, 2012

So many parts of our lives have changed in the time we've been in this home.

June 9, 2012

We've seen both of Hubs' brothers and my sister get married.

July 1, 2012

We've become an aunt and uncle, respectively.

August 9, 2012

We've traveled to Chicago for concerts and visiting with friends, 

August 16, 2012

to south Florida for Christmas with my family, 

August 19, 2012

to Destin for fun beach trips with great friends,

August 26, 2012

to Hawaii with hubs' family,

First wedding anniversary, September 10, 2012

and to Italy, Greece, and Turkey on a Disney cruise

Cutting down my first real Christmas tree, December1, 2012

so we could start the next chapter of our lives:

Snow, February 2014

We became parents to the most wonderful little ball of screams and giggles, our tiny miracle.

Two Month Old Brownies.

Two months. Lots of pictures.

He's gotten slightly better at posing. The fact that he can smile helps a lot!

Little Man has grown a lot in the two months he's been in the outside world. Well, not in terms of poundage or anything, but in terms of mental faculties. This little boy has been able to roll from his tummy onto his back since he was six-and-a-half weeks old (he's now almost 10 weeks old)!

Such an over-achiever.

He survived Mommie's 27th birthday at Macaroni Grill, and only resorted to tears when he realized that not all of the attention was on him.

He's overcome with excitement

He survived his first pool day, when Mommie and Daddy hung out with friends, then the girls went off to dinner- without babies. I suppose this is a touch misleading. The child did not actually get in the water. He actually didn't even see the water. He's still infinitely too small for any type of swim diaper, so he and Daddy stayed inside and hung out with the other people who didn't want to swim. Don't you fret, though, he will be getting in a pool sometime soon- even if it finally happens at the beach in October.

The men with the babies

The women without the babies (except for Abby). Also to note: 

there are two babies in this picture because Alyssa is pregnant!

He also survived his first day of day care! He wasn't sure at first if it was something he was interested in trying. He's doing so well there, and his teachers tell me every day when I pick him up how he's such a sweet and happy baby.

I'd like to meet this baby.

He stares skeptically on his first day. 

The baby I see is fussy and cries and only finally falls asleep between 11pm and midnight, and has started waking up- at least once through the night- when he used to sleep through the night. We're getting better at figuring him out though. It's like every week we have a new baby who wants something new and we need to relearn him. It's becoming less frustrating now that I know this, though.

"Why are you taking pictures of me instead of making me happy?"

Just look at that pouty lip.

Hanging with Puppy immediately after second lunch.

Anyways, he is doing well at day care, and I'm doing alright with handling it. I still can't drop him off there though. I just can't. The thought of it makes me weepy. I'd much rather go pick him up so I can have him the rest of the night!

Just the cutest photo subjects around.

On the 15th of August, my mom finally made her big move to Huntsville. She drove up with a car-full of belongings and that's all she has. My grandma came up with her to help with the drive and to meet Babykins. My mom started a new job on the 17th and she's enjoying it, and my grandma flew back down home after a week of cuddling and playing with Babyface.

He met both of his Great Grandmothers in August! Grandma Doris and GG:

I tried to get a photo with him. Below is typical:

But we snuck one in when he wasn't paying attention:

My sleepy Brownie.

Tummy time!

Puppy has really been enjoying Baby. At first she was probably like, "Why did you bring this small loud thing here? We never get any sleep anymore." But now she's more like, "Bring me the small loud thing. I want to sniff its nether regions." She's been great with him, always wanting to be near him and she likes to try to sneak in some kisses. She and Daddy can often be found on the nursery floor napping while Hugo gets his last meal for the night.

But she's not afraid or ashamed to beg for attention when Little Man is asleep.

"Play with me. Now."

Fin.

Just One More.

To be honest, going back to work has been tough.

Of course I was expecting to have a hard time leaving Little Man at day care. And I was expecting to wish I was at home cuddling with him/trying to get him to sleep/wondering why he's crying again/scrubbing baby poop out of his clothes/doing loads of laundry and dishes/being happy to get to spend all my time with him.

But I wasn't expecting to come back to work to a team that resents me for being out for three months. There were a lot of misunderstandings between me, my superiors, and my coworkers which lead to me being stuck in a pretty ugly place upon my return. And it makes me really sad because I really like my team. Unfortunately, there is no way to explain or apologize (not that I need to apologize for anything) to them as a group, so I've decided to just move forward and do my job. Once they see that I'm working to become a productive member of the team again, they'll come around. And it's not like they're being mean to me. I don't have rotten vegetables being thrown at me as I walk down the halls or anything. It's just a different team dynamic.

Another thing I wasn't expecting was for Little Man's two-month appointment to be so positive, and yet so disappointing. Topping out at a whopping 7 lbs 13 oz, he is only 1 lb, 11 oz heavier than he was at birth. He's only 2.5" longer. We were told he's healthy and thriving, but that I really need to increase my milk supply, as he is exclusively breastfed. Either the milk supply increases, or we need to start supplementing with formula.

I know there's nothing wrong with supplementing, and that the only thing that matters is that my sweet baby boy is growing healthily.

But I feel like it's just one more thing my body can't do correctly in terms of this child.

"What do you mean?" 

That's a good question.

Let's back-track, shall we?

October 2014 - We're pregnant! Yay! So much excitement!
November 2014 - We told our parents we're pregnant! So much excitement!
December 2014 - Baby's first Christmas in existence! So much nausea!
January 2015 - Happy New Year! Let's spend a weekend in the hospital!
February- April 2015 - It's a boy! Let's spend at least one night in each of these months in the hospital!
May 2015 - Third trimester! Let's get diagnosed with a liver disease and put Baby at risk! Let's stop sleeping altogether and start losing weight!
June 2015 - Let's continue not sleeping and continue losing weight, then have a very complicated labor that puts Baby into distress and danger several times! Hey, let's also break my tailbone during delivery and make recovery substantially more difficult than it would been otherwise!

And now

August 2015 - Let's not produce enough milk to sustain this sweet little baby that we endured some pretty rough stuff for, for the first half of the year!

Yay!

I'm being dramatic. This, I know. But it's where I am right now.

A better Two Month post to follow.

We'll Take You Up on That.

At over a month and a half now, I thought it was possibly time for a quick update from the trenches of motherhood.

He'll get better at posing... right?

We thought it would be fun if Daddy was in

the pictures for H's monthly shots.

We're actually doing well. Little Man has gotten himself into a bit of a routine that consists of: sleep, diaper change, eat, sleep, repeat. He's a great day time sleeper for the most part, and his sleep at night is getting better weekly. Just last night he slept from 12:30am - 6:30am! Of course, he is a newborn, so sleeping straight through the night is more like a welcome surprise than an expected occurrence. I'll take it though.'

I'm thankful that he and I were able to get into a good breastfeeding habit. I'm thankful that even though we had some tiny hiccups at first, everything seems to have worked itself out, and now we're both comfortable with each other. I'm thankful, also, that for the most part, every day I'm able to pump an extra bottle, so Husband can feed him for one feeding through the night, allowing me to sleep through it.

Milk drunk on Mommie's birthday

Our plan originally was to have Babykins sleep in the Pack'n'Play in our room for the first six months. You know what they say about plans... Anyways, he hates the Pack'n'Play with a fiery passion, and so Little Man has been sleeping in his crib nightly since he was about 2.5 weeks old. That being said, I'll go ahead and admit that our best purchase post-baby-birth has been a baby monitor. We registered for one and never received it, and then we decided not to bother getting one with our gift cards since he was going to be in our room. Well when he decided he wanted to be a Big Boy and sleep in his own room, Husband and I spent two weeks sleeping on the floor since we were unable to hear the cries from our room. I would take the first shift- including the task of getting him down for the night. My shift ended around 3am. Hubs' alarm clock would go off around 2:45, giving him time to pee and wake up a little before coming to wake me from my restless slumber on the floor so he could take over. Note that I, specifically, HAD to sleep on the floor since I couldn't lean back in the rocking chair in a way that would be comfortable with the broken tailbone.

And then enter the monitor. Since then, we've both been sleeping in our bed and, depending on the time of night, we each take turns getting up if Little Man wakes up. Lately, we've fallen into a routine where Hubs takes the first "shift" and gets H down for the night, and sometimes gives him the pumped bottle. Then I have been taking the later part (also known as "early morning") shift so Hubs can get up and get dressed for work.

My 27th birthday, and a baby who can't contain his excitement.

We've been getting better about understanding what Babykins wants when he's crying, and have a sort of mental list we go down. Hungry? No. Diaper? No. Cold? Try hat, then hat and socks, then just socks. Warm? Remove footed onesie and wrap in lightweight blanket. Of course, sometimes he's just overtired and fussy. We learned last night that packing him into the car seat and resting him on top of the dryer while it's running will calm him down. (Note: don't leave baby unattended on the dryer!) He did wake up when he was removed from the car seat/dryer situation, but he was calm, and therefore much more easily soothed to sleep with the 5 S's.

Speaking of the 5 S's (from Dr. Harvey Karp's book The Happiest Baby on the Block, which was given me us by a neighbor with a 9 month old baby boy), we tried it last week, and really haven't looked back.

1. Swaddle
2. Side/Stomach
3. Shush
4. Swing
5. Suck.

We've never actually needed to get to the fifth S. Usually Little Man is asleep by Swing. I recommend it. It doesn't always work, and those times (like last night before being calmed by the dryer) are extraordinarily frustrating.

I can really tell some days that I've really become a mom. I'm proud of things I never thought I'd be proud of: pooping, passing gas, burping, not crying through bath time. And things I never knew were a big deal, are suddenly a big deal. Like when my itty-bitty 6 lb 2 oz, 19'5" baby boy outgrows his Preemie-sized clothes and I have to muster up the strength to pack up his little train onesie and monster footie PJs. At last (rough) measure, Babykins is already about 23.5"-24" long. He seriously needs to stop. Is it too much to ask for him to stay tiny, but get potty-trained and sleep through the night? I don't think so.

Little Man had his first bath in the tub on July 7- his due date. His first restaurant outing was July 13 to PF Changs. The first time he rolled from tummy to back was at 6.5 weeks old on August 3rd.

Mommie and Daddy had their first night out without Babykins on August 1. I'm proud to say that even though a large portion of our conversations were about Little Man himself, I resisted the urge to respond to texts from his loving babysitters (his DiDi and Aunt Sarah). Though I did carefully inspect the photos I was sent. Husband and I had a lovely evening out that consisted of all-you-can-eat meat at Texas de Brazil, a nice stroll through Bridgestreet and Barnes and Noble, popsicles from Steel City Pops, and a drink at the Melting Pot. Around 9 we decided we were tired and headed home to a sweetly sleeping baby who then woke up and stayed up for several hours.

After his first bath in the tub!

I am proud to say that the lack of sleep being caused by having a new baby hasn't really been overly killing me yet. A month and a half of getting 1-2 hours of sleep per 24 hours due to the cholestasis really prepared for me for motherhood. I'm not going to say I'm thankful that I had the liver disorder, but I will say I'm thankful that I'm getting much more sleep now than I had been before H was born.

In other news, my mom, MiMi is moving here! The plan was for her to move here, live with us and watch H during the day when I went back to work until he had a spot at his day care. Long story short, everything about the plan changed (except for her living with us at first), and H's original day care told us they wouldn't have a spot for him until October at the earliest! Well that won't work because I go back to work on August 11! So we scrambled around and found him the absolute last spot that any day care had to offer, and it just happened to be a very nice, reputable, Christian day care that is close to both mine and Hubs' work. We are pleased.

We are slowly redefining our definition of "normalcy" and we're not unhappy with the results. Overall, Babykins is a joy to be around, and we're enjoying being his parents.

But if you feel like babysitting, we'll take you up on that.


Token puppy shot:

This is puppy from the other side of the door. Hubs

and I were trying to calm Babykins in the nursery

with the door closed, and poor Puppy wanted in to

see and play with Baby Brother sooooo bad!