Of course I was expecting to have a hard time leaving Little Man at day care. And I was expecting to wish I was at home cuddling with him/trying to get him to sleep/wondering why he's crying again/scrubbing baby poop out of his clothes/doing loads of laundry and dishes/being happy to get to spend all my time with him.
But I wasn't expecting to come back to work to a team that resents me for being out for three months. There were a lot of misunderstandings between me, my superiors, and my coworkers which lead to me being stuck in a pretty ugly place upon my return. And it makes me really sad because I really like my team. Unfortunately, there is no way to explain or apologize (not that I need to apologize for anything) to them as a group, so I've decided to just move forward and do my job. Once they see that I'm working to become a productive member of the team again, they'll come around. And it's not like they're being mean to me. I don't have rotten vegetables being thrown at me as I walk down the halls or anything. It's just a different team dynamic.
Another thing I wasn't expecting was for Little Man's two-month appointment to be so positive, and yet so disappointing. Topping out at a whopping 7 lbs 13 oz, he is only 1 lb, 11 oz heavier than he was at birth. He's only 2.5" longer. We were told he's healthy and thriving, but that I really need to increase my milk supply, as he is exclusively breastfed. Either the milk supply increases, or we need to start supplementing with formula.
I know there's nothing wrong with supplementing, and that the only thing that matters is that my sweet baby boy is growing healthily.
But I feel like it's just one more thing my body can't do correctly in terms of this child.
"What do you mean?"
That's a good question.
Let's back-track, shall we?
October 2014 - We're pregnant! Yay! So much excitement!
November 2014 - We told our parents we're pregnant! So much excitement!
December 2014 - Baby's first Christmas in existence! So much nausea!
January 2015 - Happy New Year! Let's spend a weekend in the hospital!
February- April 2015 - It's a boy! Let's spend at least one night in each of these months in the hospital!
May 2015 - Third trimester! Let's get diagnosed with a liver disease and put Baby at risk! Let's stop sleeping altogether and start losing weight!
June 2015 - Let's continue not sleeping and continue losing weight, then have a very complicated labor that puts Baby into distress and danger several times! Hey, let's also break my tailbone during delivery and make recovery substantially more difficult than it would been otherwise!
And now
August 2015 - Let's not produce enough milk to sustain this sweet little baby that we endured some pretty rough stuff for, for the first half of the year!
Yay!
I'm being dramatic. This, I know. But it's where I am right now.
A better Two Month post to follow.
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