Prayers.

I need some prayers, you guys. I need to change my point of view.

This weekend, Hubs and I had two friends over with the plan to watch a movie. Of course, this would be the one night out of probably 20 where Small Fry did not want to go to sleep at his regular time.

I spent too much time apologizing to our friends! I complained, outwardly and inwardly, about my son's refusal to sleep. Instead of being mindful and tending to my son's cries and needs, I sent Hubs up to "deal with him." I was frustrated.

I know that being frustrated is normal and common, and in itself, is not a huge problem. But when you compound that frustration with my feelings of being inconvenienced and angry at my child, there is a problem.

Considering almost every other night my son willingly goes to bed at his assigned "bed time," and sleeps through the night, I should have known that my sweet son needed something. He wasn't experiencing a fear a missing out. He wasn't trying to just get on my nerves and wreck my movie plans. No, my son needed me, and how did I help him?

By complaining about him to my friends, and complaining about him in my heart.

After a while, it became clear to our friends that Tiny Human was not going to sleep any time soon, so they left, and Hubs and I - still begrudgingly - tended to TH.

I took him on a nice long walk at 9:30 pm (more than 2 hours after his usual bed time), which did nothing but anger him. I brought him back inside, upstairs, gave him some milk and Mommie snuggles, and while he pushed away from me and cried, I felt angry at him. Why were my attempts to soothe him not good enough?

Finally, I'd hit my wits end, and Hubs decided to take TH out for a short drive in the car. Thankfully this worked to get him down for the night- at 10:30 pm. More than 3 hours after his usual bed time, and after we'd originally started the bed time process.

Once he was down, a felt an immediate rush of relief and guilt. Why was I so frustrated with my son? Why, after a nice day spent together playing and laughing, was I so quick to become angry and selfish when he still needed me a little later than I'd planned?

Pray that I can change my point of view. I need to remember and realize - in times of difficulty and frustration - that my son is not an inconvenience to my plans. My son is the priority over movie night. The priority over my night of sleep. Over my dinner. Over my shower. Over the dishes, and the laundry and the other chores that are so meaningless, and the small tasks of the day. My son is the priority over these things. He's not throwing a wrench into my plans - rather, my plans need to remain flexible at all times to cater to him (within reason). Plus, I need to remember that if he's up and is crying and is sad and is clingy, he needs something. He has a need that hasn't been met yet, and it needs to be met in order for him to calm down.

Prayers needed.